It is no small wonder America is so divided!!! It’s as if liberals and conservatives don’t even speak the same language!!!  Today’s democrats seem to have a lingo all their own so I thought I’d help us all out by giving a lesson in how understand each other. While I cannot cover everything in just one lesson I want to hit the high points and go from there!!!

Let’s begin by translating a few key terms. When a liberal says:

“INVEST” they mean spend money that we don’t have.

When they say “government” the mean the perpetual NANNY STATE that hands them everything they want and need.

When they say “redistribution” they mean sticking their hand into your pocket and stealing (legally of course) what you’ve earned and giving it to people who do nothing to deserve it.

When they say “Rightwing NUTJOB” they mean someone who believes in God, family and The Constitution.

When they say “Christian” they mean those EVIL crusaders AND when the say “Muslim” they mean those wonderful peace loving people who’ve racked up 300 million dead bodies in the last 1400 years.

When they say “terrorist” they mean returning combat veterans, LEGAL gun owners, readers of that nasty subversive book called The Bible and anyone who speaks out against a tyrannical government. (remember this means their beloved NANNY STATE)

When they say “conservative” they mean greedy rich white people who aren’t paying their fair 100% tax rate.

When they say “liberal” they mean people who are so ENLIGHTENED that they understand that socialism that has failed every time and every place it’s ever been tried only needs ONE MORE CHANCE to succeed.

When they say “entitlement” they mean that they have MORE right to what you’ve earned than YOU DO.

When they say “immigrant” they mean those glorious non English speaking illegals who deserve free healthcare, education, housing, and food at YOUR EXPENSE.

When they say “racist” they mean anyone who DISAGREES with any of the above.

When they say “tolerance” they mean the principle that everything is FAIR PLAY unless it involves a Christian Conservative or ISRAEL.

That now concludes today’s lesson on HOW TO SPEAK DEMOCRAT!!!