by Chip Murray

I have been a licensed Registered Representative and Investment Advisor serving the financial protection and wealth management needs of my individual and business clients for the past 18 years now. I have also been a faithfully unabashed member of the Tea Party for the past 4 years.

It has suddenly occurred to me that the majority of my colleagues have virtually no clue as to what is happening in their own industry…let alone the entire country! So I wanted to prepare them in the event we are feeble-minded enough to re-elect Obama, to be able to communicate with their clients using the new investment terminology of Obamaville!

Standard Deviation- The reclassification of Pedophile to “Minor-attracted Person.”

Efficient Frontier- Barack, Michelle & Bo taking separate jets on their many vacations.

Animal Spirits- The “OWS-cations”: Intoxication, Fornication & Defecation.

Asset Allocation- The redistribution of assets across varied needy social classes.

Asset-Protection- A Shotgun.

Mutual Fund- Your money is my money is your money.

Risk On- Leaving a 2008 Obama/Biden bumper sticker on your car.

Risk Off- Covering it with a NOBAMA 2012 sticker!

Dollar Cost Averaging- Buying an ounce of gold every month.

Rate of return- How quickly we can return to the Stone Age.

Short a position- The total # left in the O-Regime after one “calls” on Ann Barnhardt!

Long a position- How far I can throw one when they get to me!

A Put- Timothy Geithner (without the z on the end).

A Call- Yelling “Where did my money go?” at your broker over the phone.

A Covered Call- Same thing…with your hand over the phone!

Futures- What we used to have.

SEC- Sleeping Elite Cronies.

FINRA- Hear no evil! See no evil! Speak no evil!

Time Horizon- A mushroom cloud!

Another investment professional goes Galt!